Things I Learned By Not Being A Big Loser
Yesterday marked the end of our Biggest Loser competition.
There's another one starting up in January. I haven't signed up yet. I'm happy I did it this fall, but I think that - more than anything - what I learned from this experience is that there are other things I need to deal with before I can address The Weight Issue. And I'm okay with that, I think. Either way, I think I'm going to wait until after Christmas to decide.
The final results are in: I've lost 9.5 pounds since we started in mid-September. From now until eternity, I shall hereafter refer to this as a ten-pound weight loss. And while my goal was *technically* fifteen, I'm content with my ten. Ten pounds in eleven weeks is respectable, I think (especially when I stop and consider everything else going on in my life at the same time). Was I hoping for ten + oh, let's say FORTY? Yeah, maybe. But I'm still hoping for a money tree, for skin that doesn't glow a creepy iridescent blue during eleven months of the year and then lobster-burn painfully during those other four weeks, for not having to choose between blindness or wearing glasses or sticking little pieces of plastic in my eyes or paying someone obscene amounts of money to cut my eyeballs and then burn them with lasers. Life is full of small disappointments.
As I pondered this accomplishment yesterday, I realized that I've learned more than a few things on this journey so far.
I've learned to be gentle(r) with myself. Losing weight when your body is broken is possible, but it will not go as smoothly as it might for someone healthier. I'm never going to be that girl who drops a couple of pounds a week - and it has absolutely nothing to do with effort or determination.
I've learned to focus more on what I CAN do, and less on what I CAN'T. I hate that I can't make it through my 30 Day Shred DVD because my body can only take a couple of days at a time. But on days when I can't get 'real' exercise, I can still walk or do yoga or just take the stairs a couple of extra times - and I do.
I've learned that makeovers start on the inside. I probably should have gotten my depression more under control first. It didn't do me any harm to do it this way, but I honestly feel that I might have been effective if I'd switched those two steps around.
I've learned that how I feel about myself isn't as attached to my weight as I thought it was. The cold hard truth is that I felt prettier ten pounds ago (weird, isn't it?). I'm still not sure why, but I'm working on it.
I've learned that I need to take better care of myself. When my days get busy, I'm the first thing that gets sacrificed. I am particularly bad about making doctor's appointments for myself. There are health issues that prevent me from exercising effectively that I should have dealt with a long time ago, and you know what? I still haven't. But I'm going to deal with it now. Seriously.
I've learned that money does not motivate me. Neither did my competitors. This challenge was ALL about me, which came as a surprise because I'm a pretty competitive person. But it made me realize that I will be able to do this on my own if I want to... And it's going to be at my own pace. I know it will take a really long time, but the results will be worth it.
Labels: Loser
Friday Smile
Two quick smiles:
1.
This website always has the very best ecards. Anything that makes me spew eggnog out of my nose is good in my books. Their Christmas line-up is particularly spectacular... So if you're already too late to mail your holiday cards, be sure to check them out :)
2. My phone rang last night... 'Lindsay? It's Colette. Just making sure that you remembered your massage appointment with Crystal at 3 pm tomorrow.' No, I most certainly did not remember. But what a lovely surprise. What a thoughtful gift from Past Lindsay to Future Lindsay (and a soon to be very relaxed Present Lindsay). Three cheers for squeezing out the last morsels of our 2009 massage benefits!
Labels: Friday Smile
Oh, The Humanity
What was that I was saying about insomnia? Pay no attention to the time at the bottom of this post. Clearly, we are still dealing with side effects from The Pills. I'm working on it.
Anyway. This week, it's been all about my body - which does not work the way it's supposed to EVER, but has been a special kind of annoying to me lately.
The gallbladder drama continues... This week has been worse again, and I thought about it a little more than usual today because I know someone who's getting hers out tomorrow morning and I'd be lying if I didn't confess that I am green with envy. Is that weird? I'm completely jealous that she's getting her guts pulled out of an incision in her abdomen tomorrow morning. I realized this week that it's been nearly eight months since my first major attack. EIGHT MONTHS. Eight months where my best case scenario is constant discomfort and my worst case scenario is really, really nasty. I continue to hope that Canada will someday adopt a policy of semi-privatized healthcare because - seriously - I would LOVE to write someone a cheque to just get this done already. If that bill gets pushed through in the next decade, I'm sure I'll still be waiting for surgery.
Fibromyalgia. Arthritis. Chronic Fatigue. Blah, blah, blah... It's all kind of status quo around here. Which is maybe notable because by now - this close to the holidays - I should be starting my annual Christmas Flare. I'm working *so* hard to avoid it this year (just ask all my friends who have been permitted to socialize with me only after sitting through and then agreeing to my strict guidelines and delineation of personal healthy boundaries). Wish me luck! Them too, probably. Assuming they still want to be friends with me :)
I'll bet you thought that this entire post will be about things you already knew (and have heard me bitch about a hundred million times before). Ah, dear readers, don't be too quick to jump to conclusions. Never underestimate the evil powers of my body. Because this week - quite unexpectedly - I seem to have royally effed up my wrist. How? I'm glad you asked. And I can see why you might be wondering, given my propensity for extreme sports and drunken brawling (and combinations thereof). But the truth is that I have absolutely no idea what happened. It started hurting on Tuesday afternoon, and by today it was nasty enough that I actually went into public wearing a nasty ugly brace because it felt SO MUCH BETTER. I'm guessing that my chances of seeing my doctor in the next week are approximately equal to the chances of that lonely old Jehovah's Witness couple forgetting to make their monthly visit to us in January (THANKS AGAIN, GEOFF). So either my prayers for a Christmas miracle will come true and I'll be healed *or* I'm going to have to be on my toes throughout this festive season to ensure said fugly wrist brace will not be visible in any photos. Which should be super-easy seeing my sister is a photographer and my sister-in-law is in university studying photography.
Oh, don't worry. I totally have Real Problems. It's just sometimes easier to dwell on the ones like ugly wrist brace photos.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Attack of the Gallbladder, Bitching About Nothing, WRISTSTRONG
Another Good Day
I think I'm on a roll here...
It was a good day, despite the fact that I had to set my alarm early. I bundled up and walked to Starbucks then caught a bus downtown for my meeting at The Arthritis Society. I'm still doing volunteer work for them - different than before - and stay tuned for not one but TWO major initiatives launching soon that I've got my paws all over. I'm *so* super excited about them both, I just about danced out of that office.
Oh, and surprised about the whole bus-in-the-cold thing? Me too, kind of. But it was a heck of a lot warmer than starting my car and a heck of a lot less stressful than trying to find parking. Would you also be surprised to know that when I was working those two days last week at my client's office, I *walked* there? It was freaking cold, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. I'm walking there again in the morning. And yet, I'm not losing any weight at all... Sigh. It's one of the great mysteries of life.
Anyway. Geoff + Briony picked me up at lunchtime and we spent a few hours running errands. And then we got home and I did some work and then I was feeling inspired by the success of my gingerbread yesterday so I decided to try making crostini for the first time - with vanilla, almonds, hazelnuts, dried cherries, and currants. I MUST be feeling better. They are *almost* done... I decided to leave the final baking part for tomorrow night when Emily comes to do some other baking with me. But they smell awesome.
I was feeling pretty good about myself, and about my day, until it was bedtime - and I didn't feel like sleeping. At all. And then reality came and punched me right in the face. I suddenly remembered The Other Time In My Life When I Was Taking These Particular Pills. And I remembered why I had stopped. Because they acted like a stimulant for me during the day, but it didn't wear off in time for me to sleep... So I eventually had to start taking a little something at night too. And then the dosage of each medication slooooowly started creeping up until I was both Seriously Drugged To Wake Up and Seriously Drugged To Sleep. I'm sending fervent prayers in the general direction of the sky hoping that we can figure something out to avoid that whole scenario again, because - for right now - we're keeping the drugs.
Oh, and did I mention that my gallbladder is acting up again? Because my gallbladder is acting up again. This surgery cannot come soon enough (and no, I don't have a date yet). I can't believe how excited I am for someone to cut my abdomen open and remove stuff :)
Labels: Active Living, Being Domestic, Happy Thoughts, The Arthritis Society
Above The Water
I guess I'm officially On Medication now.
I don't know why that's so hard for me to swallow (pardon the pun). But I'm absolutely determined not to make it my dirty little secret. There are *so* many people who take pills to deal with depression, and I think we do a real disservice to ALL of them by not talking about it more. People take anti-inflammatories for arthritis. People have chemo for cancer. Depression is a disease too, so why is it such a bad thing to treat it?
ANYway. (Climbing off my soapbox now.)
I think I was doing a decent job at functioning without them, but it was FREAKING HARD - and I was just barely keeping my head above water most days (the other days I was drowning). I don't think the change is miraculous by any means, I just feel a little bit more like myself than I have in a long time. I'm not sure why I waited so long. I think I just needed to be ready, to make peace with the idea that I wasn't able to be a good wife + a good mom + a good writer + a good daughter/sister/friend/etc on my own. And I'm slowly becoming okay with that as I realize that it's not anything I did or didn't do - I'm just a little bit broken.
Yesterday was kind of a profound day for me. It just felt DIFFERENT. It was a perfectly ordinary day, except that I felt like a different kind of wife + mom than I have been. It felt like I actually made some progress during the day instead of slipping farther and farther behind. I was still tired, and it was still a tough day, but I felt PRESENT. And that's maybe the best Christmas gift I could have asked for - for me AND for Geoff + Briony.
Ugh. That pun was worse than the first ;)
Labels: Happy Thoughts, In The Moment, Married Stuff, Mommy Stuff
Forgive Us
There are lots of things that we've figured out about being parents. Regular church attendance is not one of them.
We actually did really well last winter/spring when she was tiny, and then again for a few months this fall. But now her napping schedule has shifted to make it virtually impossible. When we have managed to make it work, I've spent virtually the entire time in the baby room with a seriously unhappy baby on the verge of a meltdown - which pretty much erases any benefit of bothering to go to church in the first place. Even different service times don't seem to work. They're ALL at the wrong time.
Can you tell I'm slightly frustrated?
I hope that her napping will change again soon, because I actually miss church. I haven't always felt this need to be at church, but it's something that I'm really wanting right now, something that I need for ME. I think we'll need to find a bible study or a small group or SOMETHING in the new year to fill that void when Sunday mornings just don't work.
I'm relatively certain that God will forgive us in the meantime :)
Labels: Church the Universe and Everything
Great Baby Stuff: Boon Suction Bowl
I am so in love with this bowl, it's probably a little inappropriate... It suctions onto Briony's high chair tray and the flexible rubber 'catcher' gets aimed in her direction and saves a good portion the 50% of her food that usually meets an unfortunate fate from ending up on her lap, in her bib pocket, stuck to her high chair, etc.
Oh, and it's CUTE!
It comes in a few different colour combos. We picked white + pink, but they're all fabulous in their own way.
And it's all one piece - and safe in the dishwasher - the key to this mama's heart :)
Labels: Great Baby Stuff
Stupid Mommy Question
It's no secret that I didn't spend a lot of time around babies until we had one. I constantly find myself wondering about things that are probably no big deal - or maybe just common sense for a SuperMom. But I refuse to be shy about asking :)
We're in the process of slowly subbing out some bottles of formula with milk. SLOWLY would be the operative word... So far, she's really only tasted the milk and it hasn't replaced anything. I'm in no rush, especially with Christmas craziness just around the corner. She's doing so great on the formula that there's really no need to push anything.
But I have unanswered questions about what happens when we DO switch her mostly or totally over. I need to know how to manage being out all day with her when she's off formula. How do you pack milk and keep it at a safe temperature? Or do you keep formula on hand for situations like this? Or do you just do water + snacks and not worry about it for that day?
I want a baby manual. Seriously.
Labels: Mommy Stuff, Stupid Question
Stockings
I am *so* excited. This Christmas, we finally bought stockings and hangers for our fireplace. It's kind of funny that this is our third married/cohabitated Christmas and we're only getting around to it now - especially because it's a tradition that both of us grew up with. It's funny what a baby can do, isn't it?
Anyway. The stockings are fabulous. I had my heart set on something modern in grey and Geoff was (surprisingly) adamant that they needed to be traditional red stockings. We found some - at Chapters, of all places - that we could both agree on. After a pretty serious hunt, we finally found inoffensive stocking hangers at Walmart (SHUDDER). And the rest is history.
Except that now we need to fill them.
Our parents were both pretty practical with our stocking stuffers, which I really appreciate, and we're trying to do the same (with a couple of small fun items thrown in). I have a few things for Briony already and a few more things on my list, but I'm curious to hear what ideas other people have for great one-year-old stocking ideas. And I definitely want to hear about the kinds of things that you got in your stockings growing up.
Labels: Christmas
Recipe: Avgolemono Soup
This soup is yummy comfort food at its finest. It thickens almost to an oatmeal-like consistency and tastes rich and decadent, but - without chicken - it's only 140 calories and 3 grams of fat per serving. You can also add onion, celery, and carrots if you want - but I kind of like it straight-up (with veggies on the side, of course).
-
Avgolemono Soup3 cans condensed chicken broth
2 cubes chicken bouillon
1 cup chopped cooked chicken
1 cup short grain white italian rice
Parsley
Paprika
Combine ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a boil then simmer on low until rice is cooked.
3 eggs
1/3 c lemon juice
Whisk eggs and lemon juice together. SLOWLY add a little bit of broth at a time to the egg/lemon mixture until the mixture gets very warm. Pour into pot and stir as you bring the soup back up to a boil - then take the pot off the heat IMMEDIATELY.
Labels: Recipe
Exhale
It's five o'clock on a Friday. And I sense there's a country song that starts with precisely those words... I don't listen to country music. But that sounds about right :)
Anyway.
What's significant about this particular hour on this particular Friday is that it marks the official end to this particular week, a week that was - in a word - PURE INSANITY. Wait, that was two words. Oh well. What can I say... I'm a writer.
I worked away all day today, and Briony had a great time with Amber (to whom I owe A LOT for making time to hang out with B so that B's mommy could go to work today). I have more client stuff that's due over the weekend, and a Monday morning meeting to prep for. Geoff is still at work until at least 8 pm tonight, and back again for a twelve-hour shift tomorrow.
But for right now, it's five o'clock. Briony is napping upstairs. I successfully turned last night's mediocre chicken leftovers into a freaking amazing first attempt at avgolemono soup.
I am tired, and I am happy. I got to spend the last two days trying my hand at magazine editing, something that I always thought I'd enjoy and be good at - and both hypotheses turned out to be true. And it went well enough that I *hope* I'll be getting future calls about future issues.
And after all my panic about business and money, December is turning out to be an amazing month. Amazing enough that we were able to book tickets for our next Vancouver trip with confidence this week. Amazing enough that I finally feel like I'M REALLY DOING THIS. Amazing enough that - this month - I managed to top the full-time monthly salary I was making pre-maternity leave. And I got to do it (almost) all while hanging out with Briony. AMAZING.
I feel like I've finished a marathon. But in that really, really good-tired way, where you're so proud of yourself in the moment that you hardly notice the pain.
Labels: Amber, Going Rogue
Working Girl
I just got home from my first day of 'real work' in an office since... WOW. I guess early October 2008. That's crazy! Especially because I spent about a million hours a week in an office for the almost ten years before then. Turns out that it's pretty much like riding a bike. I was making fun of my temporary co-workers within an hour of arriving ;)
I have a bunch of other little client stuff to take care of this afternoon, then I'm back at it again tomorrow morning. And I'm actually looking forward to it. I wouldn't want to do it all the time - or even most of the time - but it's been a fun little project and a nice change of scenery. Of course, I missed Briony - but a healthy amount, I think.
But the very best part was that I spent five minutes throwing things into the slow cooker before I left this morning, so I returned home to the smell of roast lemon garlic chicken. It's a new recipe, so I hope it tastes as good as it smells...
Labels: Going Rogue
Holiday Recipes
As promised...
-
Sweet Potato Casserole
Casserole:
4 c sweet potato, cubed
1/4 c sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
2 tbsp butter
1/2 c milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Topping:
1/2 c brown sugar
1/3 c flour
3 tbsp butter, melted
1/2 c chopped pecans
Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
Put sweet potatoes in a saucepan with water to cover. Cook over medium-high heat until tender. Drain and mash.
In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potatoes, sugar, eggs, salt, butter, milk, and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Transfer to baking dish.
In a medium bowl, mix the sugar and flour. Stir in butter and pecans. Sprinkle the mixture over the casserole.
Bake for 30 minutes, or until the topping is lightly brown.
-
Hot Apple Cider
Put in slow cooker:
4 L natural apple juice
1/2 large orange, cut into 4 slices with peel
2 cinnamon sticks
Put in spice ball or tied-off cheesecloth/filter:*
1/2 tsp allspice
1 tsp cloves
1 pinch nutmeg
Heat in slow cooker on LOW. When mixture reaches drinking temperature, change setting to WARM and enjoy.
Apparently, you can also rapid heat this recipe by running it through your coffee maker with apple juice in the water reservoir and the orange, cinnamon sticks, and spices in a coffee filter. It sounded like a lot of work to clean my coffee maker twice in one day, though - and I love how it smells while it heats in the slow cooker all afternoon.
*I folded the spices into a coffee filter and then put that little package in my spice ball because I was using some ground spices and didn't want the cider to get gritty. It worked great!
Labels: Recipe, Slow Cooker Recipes
Briony vs Santa
Geoff + I took Briony for her very first photo with Santa today. We kind of expected her to be cool and smiley about it - she's an incredibly friendly, easygoing kid. We were standing in line for a few minutes, and she was checking everything out and saying HI to Santa.
Side Note: Everything about a Santa experience is just WRONG. Everything in my Mommy Brain is screaming DANGER! DANGER! as I placed my baby onto a strange man's lap.
Apparently, Briony agreed... :)
(Click to enlarge the photo. It's totally worth it.)
Why not traumatize your child too? Photos with Santa are FREE at Kildonan Place from now until Christmas.
Labels: Briony, Christmas
Disappointing
And the client drama continues...
Today I got a call for kind of a dream project. The catch is that it requires me to work out of my client's office for a couple of days. The even bigger catch is that those days are tomorrow and Friday, and Geoff is working a night shift tonight and a day shift on Friday. And in case you've been missing from my blog for the last year or two, I HAVE A BABY.
I've spent a good part of the last hour in tears. I understand that being a parent sometimes means sacrifice. But this one really, really hurts. This project is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do, and I've never had an opportunity before. It probably sounds stupid, but I feel a little bit heartbroken.
So I've said NO to tomorrow morning and YES to the afternoon - Geoff is willing to forfeit sleep to help make this happen for me (just one of *so* many reasons why I love him). It's better than nothing. But I'm at a total loss for Friday. Katie and my mom are both working, and this is one of those times when it sucks to have all your family out of town (actually, out of province). I haven't said no yet because I keep hoping that I'll have a flash of genius and figure out something...
Labels: Going Rogue, Mommy Stuff
Scary
I turned down a project today. It was the first time that a freelance client has called and offered something to me that I was really overqualified for, and I just simply didn't want to take time away from my family to do it. So I said no. And that felt very, very scary. Scary good, I think. But scary to just turn away money like that - and EASY money.
Oh well. We'll call it responsible brand management :)
Labels: Going Rogue
Holiday Card Spoiler
Coming soon to a mailbox near you...
With all kinds of thanks to the lovely and talented Miss Amber Olson who turned the beautiful family photos that my sister took this fall into a perfect holiday card from our crazy little family :)
They're all addressed and ready to go. It was quick, easy, and painless - and for a surprisingly small budget. AMAZING.
Oh, and I'm totally over the guilt of 'cheating' and opting out of cards that I would actually need to write something meaningful in. It's simply not happening this year. That seems to be the theme of this Christmas, actually - not cheating, but choosing to do things simply. And it's making me feel *so* happy and Christmassy.
Labels: Amber, Briony, Christmas, Family, Jessimica, The Boy
